I don’t know about you but personally I’m bored of reading about cute date ideas for valentines (low-key just bitter because lockdown means I can’t see my girlfriend). But anyway, I’ve taken the executive decision to give you all some alternative (slightly anti-valentines) ideas.
1. Burn Your Exes Things
I know I know “valentines is a day to celebrate love” but technically you’re still doing that. You’re celebrating the love you have for yourself by ridding yourself of everything you’ve clung to from your past relationship. I personally would prefer to set some (one) of my exes on fire but apparently that’s frowned upon so burning their things is probably best. I haven’t ever done this, I prefer to go with the classic just rip everything up and bin it tactic and seen as I’ve remained friends with my most recent ex then I actually have nothing to burn this year. But I’m a big advocate for you all doing it. Just imagine how much more dramatic it would be, getting a big make shift fire pit and just watching all those bad memories go up in flames. Sounds pretty cathartic to me. Especially if you have things of theirs they want back. Some would say this is unhealthy and petty, I say add those people to the fire!
*Disclaimer: please remember fire safety comes first and if you burn your house down I’m not to blame, k thanks. Burning actual people is wrong, don’t do it.
2. Spend it with a Grandparent
There is no one in this world I adore more than my Granddad. The man is precious and must be protected at all costs. I know no one ever has a perfect relationship but my Grandparent’s was pretty damn close! They spent their whole lives together so naturally my Granddad was distraught when she passed. We have a habit of not prioritising our Grandparents, we take for granted the fact they won’t always be around. So this valentines I’m suggesting you pick up the phone and spend a few hours chatting away. I love hearing stories of how my Gran and Granddad met and my Granddad loves reminiscing about it so it’s the perfect valentines idea really.
3. Have a Snowball Fight
This past week we’ve had really heavy snow and freezing temperatures so Scotland is looking like a winter wonderland at the moment. If you’re lucky enough to be with your partner in lockdown (or unlucky for you straight couples who seem to low-key hate each other) then why not get outside and start a big old snowball fight. For one, it’s a great laugh and good exercise, two if you do kind of hate your other half then what a great way to release some of that anger! For those of you currently not in snowy places why not just get outside and throw some rocks at each other, I’m sure it’d be just as fun.
4. Games Night
Valentines doesn’t always have to be for love between couples, plenty of people celebrate it as a day for love in general. And who loves you more than your siblings? Who else has the classic “I’m the favourite child!” argument with their sibling? Every month when I send my parents my dig money (this is what we call rent money) I add the reference “Favourite Daughter” purely with the intention of winding up my sister. So after much deliberation I’ve came up with a solution; ultimate game night, where the prize is the title of “Favourite Child”. Great idea right? I’m thinking classic games; a wee quiz about the parents, see who knows the most, then an arts and crafts war because we all know amazing children’s art is the way to a parent’s heart, then we’d do a cook off to see who can provide our parents with the best meal and naturally we’d end it with some form of physical fight because why not? Then at the end we’d add up all the points and one sibling would be crowned “Favourite Child”.
5. Hype Yourself Up
This one is for all those people chilling on their own on valentines. I’ve read loads of really nice posts about spending the day doing self care and while that’s a lovely idea it’s not really my cup of tea. What I think we should be doing is getting the hype we deserve! So throw on your favourite outfit, could be going out clothes, underwear that you look banging in, maybe it’s your favourite onesie? Either way, throw it on, get some good lighting and take some out of this world stunning selfies. Send them to the people in your life you know will hype you up (if you can’t think of anyone I suggest ditching your friends and getting yourself some new ones) with the message “look how stunning I am” and then just wait for the love and hype to roll in. Maybe post them to socials if you know you have a supportive socials group. Either way just make sure you’re getting nothing but LOVE.
6. Tell Me Why You Love Me
You can do this with anyone; a partner, family, friends, your boss. All of these people should love you because you’re amazing, duh! So send them a message and get them to tell you why they love you, of course you’ll have to return the favour as well. For me, I know my family would never do this, we express our love through mockery and sarcasm but I know my two best friends from college would be all over this and ready to go with the love (one would probably hate getting the love back but we’d force it on her anyways).
7. Dedicate the Whole Day to Your Pet
I think this might be my favourite one. My dog is elite. She’s just the cutest thing you’ll ever see and she definitely deserves a day all about her (even though every day already is). Spend the day doing all of your pet’s favourite things. I’ll lay out my day for you; we wake up crazy early, go a nice big walk in the snow and chase all the snowballs, we come in and she gets some people food for breakfast (dog safe of course) we have a glorious wee nap in the sun because we’re divas and we deserve it, then we head on out for more snow fun, we probably go out for about 3/4 hours then we come home and it’s time for the meal of the day; dinner! My dog eats anything (including other dog shit) but she especially loves beef or duck, so we’d choose one of these and cook up a storm for the wee angel. By this point she’d now be all over me wanting to play, so we’d spend a few hours (and I do mean hours) chasing her ball, playing tug o’ war then once she’s finally all tuckered out we’d get cosy and have bedtime snugs. Honestly sounds like the perfect valentines to me.
8. Break Things
For the people out there generally lacking love in their life I have a great solution. Breaking things. I’m sure you’ve all heard of rage rooms and if you haven’t give them a Google. The whole premise is going in with a weapon of choice and smashing things. For some of us we aren’t lucky with love, maybe we come from bad families, we’ve had a string of bad relationships or we attract friends who don’t really care about us. Either way we just don’t feel the love and don’t want to spend the day celebrating it. So instead, grab some protective goggles (cause safety first) select your weapon, I’m thinking baseball bat, golf clubs, a big stick and just start smashing up all the stuff in your life you don’t need any more. This is also a great way to do a clear out and have fun with it.
*Disclaimer: please only smash your own belongings, I’m not trying to have anyone arrested here.
9. Do Nothing
Again, if you really just hate valentines this one’s for you. Shut the curtains, turn off your phone so you don’t see all the mushy love posts, get yourself cosy with snacks and drinks, find some Netflix shows not about love and just spend the whole day doing sweet FA.
10. Sex, Sex, Sex!
If you’re a woman in a relationship with a man, maybe give this one a miss, there’s only so many times you want to be disappointed in one day. For the rest of us, crack on! If you’re with your partner at the moment then why not just spend the whole day butt naked all over each other. Forget the presents and fancy meal; just spend the day having sex, maybe throw in some time for a takeaway later on. Turn the phones off, leave the films and TV alone, just spend some genuine quality time together.
So there you go my top ten alternative valentines ideas. Personally I think they’re all absolutely brilliant and outstanding (much like myself) but if you disagree that’s fine, I’ll just add you to the fire pit!